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The following is a transcript of a speech Radko Perry gave last week as he opened his campaign for Head Secretary to the Office of the Regional Inspector of Municipal Affairs. A big title for a man with even bigger political aspirations:
"We mustn't fool ourselves, friends. I expect a difficult campaign. You can bet the elite liberal media will be hell-bent on attacking my character."
(crowd boos elite liberal media)
"My competitors will argue that the Aug Question doesn't technically fall under the domain of the Head Secretary to the Office of the Regional Inspector of Municipal Affairs. They will tell you that we must wait for the U.N."
(Radko bangs podium, crowd cheers)
"I, Radko Maximilian Perry, will not wait for the U.N.! An Aug is a disgusting mongrel - an affront to all that is wholesome and human. Worse, it is a walking bomb waiting to go off in front of our wives and children! If your elected officials are telling you that something of such magnitude isn't their problem, you must demand better elected officials! You must demand Radko Maximilian Perry!"
(Radko drops microphone, crowd erupts)
It's official: Radko Perry is running for the position of Head Secretary, the primary function of which is to inspect the city's sewage and waterworks, and he's doing it on an anti-Aug platform.
And if early polls are to be believed, his strategy is working.